How to Come Out to Your Christian Parents

Coming Out to Your Christian Parents

·  1

Be careful. This step cannot be emphasized enough. Think of a realistic range of possible reactions and determine which one you think is the most likely to happen. Don't tell your parents (yet) if you're sure that they'll disown you, especially if you won't have anywhere else to go: such as a place to stay or have money to support yourself for some time.

·  2

Think of which parent to tell first. If you get along better with your mom, then tell her, for example. Simply tell your parent that you want to talk about something important with them in private at some point.

·  3

Arrange a time to talk without distractions. You will do best to make time to speak with your parents privately - this is a sensitive issue, and not something you should do at Christmas dinner, for example, in front of the whole family. Your parents need a chance to take in the news, react, respond, etc., without an audience.

·  4

Before you tell them, calm down. This can be as simple as taking a deep breath or saying a prayer. Either way, collect your thoughts and have resources with you if things get heated.

·  5

Tell them. Beating around the bush will simply scare them. Just say 'Mom, I love you, and I wanted to let you know that I'm bisexual' or 'Dad, I'm a lesbian.' Your part of the conversation is over with, so now you have to watch their reaction.

·  6

See how they react. This could range from total acceptance to being kicked out, but it's usually somewhere in the middle. If they're generally accepting, then the problem's solved. If they aren't, don't be afraid to leave, but only do so if you must.

·  7

Expect outbursts. Brace yourself. You know they are devout in their religious beliefs. There's very little chance your parents will sit quietly and then say, "That's wonderful news." So go in knowing that there will probably be some emotions to deal with. Being prepared for this can help you remain calm in the face of their emotional response.

·  8

Remember that, for them, this is Day One of the mission. You have had many months, perhaps even years, to recognize, process, and deal with your sexual orientation. You've had epiphanies, made discoveries, adjusted your self-image, reconciled your life with your faith, and come to terms with your own response to the understanding that you are gay. Your parents may need that much time - plus more, because they are so devout. Not that you weren't. But you are on the other side of this fence - your parents will have a hard time understanding, much less tolerating and finally accepting your news. Don't expect all to be peachy today.

·  9

Be prepared for them to point out chapter and verse. Just standing there and saying, "I don't care about that," or "I know," will not be sufficient. They're going to object on the basis of religion, so you will need to respond on that same basis. Do some research, know what they're going to throw at you so that you won't be caught flat-footed. The last thing you need is to give the impression that this is some impulsive thing you're doing - you need to make them see that you've given it serious thought, and given weight to the religious objections.

·  10

Don't waver, but be kind. Your mom and dad will probably try to shake you up, freak you out, or otherwise shock you into renouncing who you are. They feel shook up and freaked out and shocked, so they're projecting that onto you. Your best bet now is to simply stand firmly for yourself. Rather than simply contradicting them or allowing things to turn into a shouting match, if you can stay calm in the storm, you'll help calm them down. "Mom, Dad, I know you're upset. I was so confused for so long. But now, I know who I am. I've considered every single thing you're saying - believe me, I thought about all those things long and hard, and none of that made me straight." Just stand firm, acknowledge their concerns, but don't allow them to believe this is a "phase" or that there's some demonic lesbian or gay man out there who's got you under his or her spell and is leading you astray. Make sure they understand that you are an adult, fully aware of who you are and what you are doing.

·  11

Leave if things get too hot, and return another time. If you feel things are in a downward spiral, rather than allowing the discussion to turn into a hand-wringing, hysterical, screeching mess, just say, "Folks, I can see we're not going to come to an accord tonight, and that's okay. I didn't accept this truth of myself overnight, either. I think it would be best to just leave this here for now, and I'll come back tomorrow night, or maybe just later tonight - up to you guys. I love you both, but I'm going to let you guys have some time to process this, and we'll connect again in a little bit."

·  12

Negotiate. Once your parents have come to terms with your sexual orientation, talk to them about what they will and won't approve of. This will let you keep your home, and your parents could possibly grant you independence in regards to your relationships.

·  13

Be prepared to walk away, at least for awhile. Some parents will accept the news better than others. If yours are in the latter camp, and have an extreme reaction to your news, you may need to decamp for a while - that is, take a break from them for awhile. As painful as this is in the short run, in the long run, it can work out very well. Obviously, there is always the risk that you will never be able to go back - there are the very few who will never accept or adjust, and there is always the chance that one of you will not live to see the day when acceptance and reconciliation are possible. In the end, however, your life is up to you. You may try to live it in a way that appeases others, but it rarely will, and it will never satisfy you. Many children of devoutly religious parents have had to walk away from those parents, though they dearly love them and it hurts like hell. But the majority find that, with time, those parents come around, and find a way to reconcile their faith with the fact that their child is gay. Pray for that day, and allow your parents the time they need to come to it. Meanwhile, you must be true to yourself, and remember that this is your one and only life, it is yours alone, and you have responsibility to rise up and live it.

(WikiHow)